And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
