We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
