i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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