We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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