So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
