I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
organizing the empties. That sober.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
