After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
