I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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