I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
