I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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