Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
