I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I wear drunk well.
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