We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
