Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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