I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
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I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
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I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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