First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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