Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My pussy is not your playground.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
