I'm really into asian looking animals
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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