someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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