you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
