Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
