After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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