And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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