bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The uberlube is also flammable
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
