He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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