Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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