In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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