I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
