I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
