i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
