Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I have demons in me.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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