yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
