I love black thongs
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
