i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
the liver wants what the liver wants
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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