I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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