Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
People in love make me want to vomit
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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