the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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