If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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