If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
