as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
