just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
