i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
