You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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