So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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