So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
