just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
