I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
