My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
we're making bets on your personal life
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
