yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
