why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
