i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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