Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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