Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
