so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize