she was so not down for the gang bang
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
