i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
