so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
