uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My bed smells like the plague
I wear drunk well.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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