He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
