I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
