There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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