are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
