.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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