In the future we'll all be gay
What a fucking waste of an outfit
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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