I feel like abortions should bother me more
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
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