Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
