tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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