So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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