I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
