I skipped work to stalk him.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
