So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
