I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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