dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
