I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
