just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
