i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
