Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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