So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
